Why I Couldn’t Stop Reacting (Even Though I Knew Better)

“Knowledge is not skill. Knowledge plus ten thousand times is skill.” ~Shinichi Suzuki

I knew exactly what to say to my narcissistic mother. I just could never say it.

For twenty years I studied every technique in the book. Gray rocking (becoming emotionally neutral and unreactive). Broken record (calmly repeating the same boundary). Don’t JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain). I could explain these strategies to a stranger at a coffee shop with complete clarity.

But when my mom was sitting across from me at dinner, pushing every button she knew I had, all of it vanished. Every single time.

My …